For much of my life I have wondered if God really hears anything I tell Him. The latter part of my young adult life was spent convinced that He doesn’t. “If there is a God He certainly doesn’t care to hear anything I have to say. He only listens to people like David.” These words played over and over again in my head as day in and day out I suffered with type 1 Bipolar, and ADHD. I was clinically diagnosed with ADHD when I was just 4 years old and immediately put on medication. I have been on medication daily now for 26 years. I was diagnosed with type 1 Bipolar when I was 16 years old. Rigorous psychological testing by a Dr. Penny in the greater Houston area was conducted. Type 1 Bipolar is a condition in which the brain is chemically imbalanced causing an individual to have severe spikes in mood changes. One indicator to this is where an individual is maniacally crazed, or simply out extremely happy and overtly enthusiastic. Then there is a sudden shift, seemingly out of nowhere, in the individual’s mood that goes from manic to majorly depressed and often to a suicidal point. The sudden shift in moods make it near impossible for people to live with the individual. They are often violently angry for no apparent reason and suffer a great deal from depression. The mania causes severe social problems and is often prone to ignorant impulses in decision making. This chemical imbalance causes a distorted view of reality where paranoia and severe anxiety encompass their thoughts and leave them very frightened of the world they live in. Many individuals, including myself, cling to drugs and alcohol to cope with this. To add to the severity, I also dealt with ADHD which is also a chemical imbalance where the brain functions at high speeds disabling the individual to hold attention to anything for any prolonged period of time and in addition causes the individual to engage in hyper activity often times appearing manic or overtly excited.
To Just Be Normal
I was raised in the church. Moreover, I was raised to have complete faith in God. This really came about as a result of my dad’s encounter with Christ, which is a whole other blog by itself, and his and my mother’s reliance on God to see me through my illnesses. My entire life has been a tremendous battle. Anyone who knew me growing up knows exactly what I was like. Life was terrifically hard for me. My parents and I prayed long and hard that God would help me and deliver me from these illnesses. For my entire childhood, adolescents, and early adulthood I suffered GREATLY because of the Bipolar and ADHD.
A Long Awaited Answer
It wasn’t until I met my wife that God really started to answer our prayers. Most of you know mine and my wife’s story. One part I should emphasize is how six months before we got pregnant with our first set of twins we decided to not divorce but instead give our marriage to God and allow Him to restore store it. We though that we had won God’s favor with just one set of twins but alas six months after we had our first set we got pregnant with our second set. By this time God had tremendously changed me mentally. I was able to hold down a job, and limit the amount of medication I took. I had absolutely no psychotic episodes, in fact my wife has never experienced a first-hand account of my bipolar disorder. (LUCKY HER RIGHT MOM?) I was able to get off drugs and alcohol and despite my ADHD was able to do quite well in school. When we first discovered we were pregnant again we immediately found out it was twins. Because of our tremendous faith in God and His divine presence in our lives we received numerous criticism and scolding remarks that summed us up as “careless.” My wife and I didn’t care, except that it hurt deeply to hear such opposition. I knew God was working in our lives and wondered what the chances of that are, back to back twins. I searched and searched and finally came up with the statistics, however reliable they may be. It’s a 1 in 3,000 chance to have back to back fraternal twins and then it’s 1 in 10,000 chance to have fraternal then identical twins. I prayed desperately for the second set to be identical simply because I knew it could only validate God and add tremendously to our testimony.
How God Works
When our first set were born we found out that their placentas were fused. They started off with separate sacs and separate placentas but sometime during the pregnancy their placentas fused. This also happened with our second set. Both started off separately then fused together. Despite having already had several ultrasounds during the second pregnancy I really hoped that God would answer my prayers for them to be identical. Why not? He answered my prayers about my illnesses. When that beautiful day came and I asked the Doctor if they were identical my gut sank when I heard those dreaded words, “nope separate sacs.” Fast-forward a year and a couple months. My wife and I have a cousin who also recently had twin girls and they sent off for a test to see if they were identical and it came back positive. My wife was in the middle of filling out a study on twins that we participated in a year ago and it came to her to spring for a test. When she approached me about it I immediately said no! I did not feel like God would have us waste 100$ on a test to find out what we already know but eventually she convinced me on the condition that we would never tell anyone that we wasted 100$, especially my parents HAHA. Just kidding mom, not really. A few weeks went by and we were anxiously awaiting the results. I was sitting in Chapel for a Sex Addiciton conference here at the Seminary when I received an email. IT WAS THEM!!!! I opened it up and read it.
YES OUR TWIN GIRLS ARE IDENTICAL!!!!
God reminded me that day that He does hear me. He heard me before time began and planned my life out according to His will. He knew I would love Him and desire earnestly to serve Him. He took into careful consideration my desire for our girls to be identical. He listened to my parents pleas for God to help me deal with these illnesses and as of recently I am medication free. NO MEDS FOR ME. This is the first time in 26 years that I haven’t taken medication AT ALL!!!! I know God is real. This isn’t a coincidence. This didn’t happen by chance. I am a nobody. A worthless man incapable of pleasing God but because I love His SON He sees me differently and blesses me regardless of what I’ve done or will do. I don’t deserve this AT ALL but God sees it differently and it’s all owed to Jesus.
KEEP PRAYING. ONE DAY GOD WILL ANSWER YOU. SOMETIMES IT DOESN’T LOOK LIKE HOW WE WOULD IMAGINE IT BUT IT’S JUST PERFECT TO GOD.